i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
