one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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