physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
