i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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