So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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