I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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