Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
