the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
