I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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