i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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