dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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