none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
