found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
