is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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