the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
