nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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