you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
