my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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