How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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