Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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