Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
