my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
