also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
