My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
