and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
