And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
