Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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