i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
