i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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