Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
