i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Your penis caused this!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
