last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
