im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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