my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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