Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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