I wish I could punch you in the face.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
