I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
home. puking in laundry basket.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
