last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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