Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
