I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
