I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
