Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
