Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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