he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
