I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
