oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
