she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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