it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
