My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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