U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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