Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
